


Darcy Lewis Gets a Little Buzzed

by megster



Series: In These Small Hours [2]
Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-01
Updated: 2012-07-01
Packaged: 2017-11-08 22:49:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/448423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megster/pseuds/megster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy decides that the Avengers are her friends, then goes and gets slightly buzzed and tases a drunk guy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Darcy Lewis Gets a Little Buzzed

**Author's Note:**

> This, like the other story in this series, is completely plot-less and pointless. It was written for funsies because I adore Darcy. Hopefully, despite its lack of purpose, you enjoy it anyway.

Darcy isn’t sure when the Avengers, the most dynamic, volatile, and powerful group of superheroes on Earth, become her friends. It’s probably around the time that she starts working at S.H.I.E.L.D. and _the_ Tony Stark presents her with a StarkPlayer prototype (that is way cooler than her stolen iPod) and an invitation to live at the Avengers Tower, because if she’s going to be Phil’s assistant she may as well stay with them and isn’t she best friends with Thor’s girl anyway?

Darcy is a little stunned, but takes him up on the offer, because _hello_ , living rent-free in a luxurious tower with a bunch of really, really, hot heroes? She may be crazy, but she isn’t stupid.

It’s surprisingly easy to settle in, once she gets used to Clint popping out of air vents and silently watching the others from his perches and Thor and his pop tart addiction and the way Natasha never _ever_ makes a sound when she walks into a room and Tony’s inability to get regular sleep and Steve blushing every time she walks around in a tank top and shorts and the way Bruce painstakingly avoids her whenever he can.

She and Thor are already acquainted, and anyway, she doesn’t know anyone that doesn’t get along with Thor. He’s like an adorably enthusiastic golden retriever with the face and body of a god. It takes her exactly seventeen minutes to become fast friends with Clint, who is _totally_ awesome and has a wicked sense of humor and a great ass. It takes her a little bit longer to coax Natasha into talking to her, but she thinks Natasha views her as an amusing and lovable sort of pet. Tony is a bear without caffeine, but that’s something Darcy can sympathize with, and he’s witty and blisteringly intelligent and pretty hot and she enjoys spending time with him. As for Steve (who’s pretty swoon-worthy himself), eventually she corners him and tells him to just go and look at her boobs and get over it, and then maybe he won’t be so fucking shy around her. The poor guy almost faints, but since then he’s made an admirable effort to ignore her (sometimes skimpy) clothing. Bruce takes the longest to win over out of the Avengers, but she manages it with considerable style, if she does say so herself. (And if it involved a minor food fight in one of the smaller kitchens, then no one but herself, Bruce, and J.A.R.V.I.S. have to know.)

In any case, it doesn’t matter when they became friends, or how, it matters that they _did_. 

She’s explaining the food fight story to a slightly drunk Jane at their favorite bar, and Jane is finding the story a little funnier than it actually is, when Darcy catches a bit of conversation from the patrons sitting next to them. 

“ _Yeah, that Banner guy is a wild card. If I were the fucking Avengers I’d get rid of him._ ”

“ _I heard he destroyed entire cities. Fucking mindless monster-_ ”

“Excuse me,” Darcy says sweetly, because she’s buzzed, but not deaf. “I heard you talking just now. Would you care to repeat that?” 

Because she’ll be fucked if she’s going to sit quietly while some blasted idiot badmouths Bruce, who is kind and gentle and sort of a fucking _genius_ and who helps save the world on a regular basis.

“Darce,” Jane says warningly, because she isn’t drunk enough to miss the way Darcy’s eyes narrow.

Darcy ignores her. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.

“I said,” the first guy says, obviously completely wasted, “that the fucking Hulk is dangerous and ought to be put down.” 

“Okay,” Darcy says. “That’s what I thought you said. I just wanted to make sure before I did this.”

Jane buries her head in her hands as Darcy yanks out a taser (a new one from Tony! She’s been wanting to test it) and jams it into the guy’s throat. He goes down like a brick, sliding off of his barstool and landing on the ground with a thump.

His friend is too stunned (or too drunk) to react.

Darcy gets up, bends down, and hisses, “That fucking monster, as you call him, saves your sorry ass on a daily basis. You’re lucky I don’t let Tony have a word with you. He’s a little protective of Bruce.”

Before she can do anything else (like give the sorry lowlife a kick or two in a sensitive area), Jane grabs her arm and forcibly drags her away. 

“Jane,” Darcy whines. “I wasn’t done yet.”

*         *          *

“You did _what_?” Tony chokes on the piece of toast Darcy had brought down to him. 

She holds out the glass of orange juice helpfully, and Tony takes it.

When he’s finished spluttering, he just stares at her. “You’re a menace to society,” he says finally, but she thinks she catches a smile playing around the corners of his mouth.

She’s sitting cross-legged on a workbench, trying to teach Dummy how to play Go Fish and making sure Tony eats breakfast, per Pepper’s orders. The breakfast part, not the teaching Dummy part. It’s become part of her job, because all of the others in the house are tired of trying to coax Tony to eat. She doesn’t mind, really, because Tony is pretty good company and he lets her try out new tech.

“Don’t tell Bruce,” Darcy says pleadingly, looking at him with wide eyes.

“Well, no, I won’t,” Tony says, “And I’m glad you did it because it sounds like the asswipe deserved it. And God knows it wouldn’t kill Bruce to have a few more people looking out for him. But you do know that if you take a taser to everyone who drunkenly insults Bruce, you are going to have half of the American population unconscious at some point in time?”

She shrugs. “Better design me a better taser then,” she says.


End file.
